To Learn Album Lyrics by Leith Ross

---

5am

5 a.m. in a city that I don't know
Wet hair from swimming in normal clothes
The smell in the air right before it storms
Old feelings with "Pardon me, I'm just stoned"

Lying down in the middle of childhood streets
Not quite recalling falling asleep
The first day of fall 'cause it makes you breathe
The odd time you're tired
But you like how it feels

You like how it feels
You like how it feels
You like how it feels
Like how it feels
Like how it feels
Like how it feels
Like how it feels
How it feels
How it feels

---

I Just Don't Think That You Like Me That Much Anymore

I just don't think that you like me that much anymore
And you'll say you're busy, but it's not the same as before
And no, I'm not angry, I think that I'm just feeling sore
'Cause the truth is that you just don't like me that much anymore

I just don't think that you think about me the same way
And don't lie through your teeth 'cause you know that I know what you'll say
Just leave it unspoken and leave me unsure
You stopped calling first, not that I'm keeping score
And the truth is that you just don't like me that much anymore

And I'm so embarrassed
I'm acting like a little kid
Passive aggressive
And practicing little tricks
Watch me, I learned this for you
Look at the things I can do

I just don't think that you like me that much anymore
There's nothing quite wrong and I guess I can't really be sure
But there's sick in my gut, and fine, I'm keeping score
And there's numbers and figures that I can't ignore
And the truth is that you just don't like me that much anymore

The truth is that you just don't like me that much

---

Interlude

[Instrumental]

---

Orlando

Your voice puts sickness into my gut
And I swallowed just a little too much
I don't know what I did wrong
It's not your fault, I just think I was in love

You make every part of me small
I'm short of breath and two feet tall
And I still don't know what I did wrong
It's not your fault, I just think I was in love

What was the day
That you ceased to think of me like that
I don't know what I said
But I'd like the chance to take it back

I have been avoiding you I guess
'Cause when we speak I forget, forget, forget
Then when it hits me, it's further into my chest
You don't want me, forget, forget, forget

Forget, forget, forget

My voice puts sickness into my gut
And I can't believe I missed it once
I guess you did nothing wrong
And I swear it wouldn't have mattered so much
None of this would be worth the fuss, if I hadn't been in love
I just think I was in love

---

We'll Never Have Sex

Depollute me, pretty baby
Suck the rot right out of my bloodstream
Oh, dilute me, gentle angel
Water down what I call being grateful

Oh, you kissed me just to kiss me
Not to take me home
It was simple, it was sweetness
It was good to know

You look perfect, you look different
I don't wonder about your indifference
If I said you could never touch me
You'd come over and say I looked lovely

Oh, you kissed me just to kiss me
Not to make me cry
It was simple, you are sweetness
Let's just sit awhile

Depollute me, gentle angel
And I'll feel the sickness less and less
Come and kiss me, pretty baby
Like we'll never have sex

---

Guts

(One, two, one, two)

I saw you at a party
So I waited in the kitchen for my friends
You wanted to say sorry
But I wanna see your body in a ditch

You held me down and told me
That I thought that you were handsome, but you're wrong
A friend called it a damn shame
'Cause you're really good at playing along

And if I had the guts I would've
Punched you in the backroom
Left you bleeding on the kitchen tiles
While I cleaned up in the bathroom
You thought you were an actor
Claimed a hammered body double
Then you wrote yourself a letter
To my name for all your trouble

I told my friend about you
He was so upset I thought he might've cried
But outside on the pavement
Well, it turned to, "I like playing with the guy"
And I don't know about my body
It feels like the wrong parts were sent to me
All these feelings I can't name yet
Claimed and touched and played with in my sleep

And if I had the guts I would've
Said, "You can't repair it"
Screamed and cried outside the venue
To make sure you were embarrassed
Acted just insane enough
For your friends to claim hysterics
And all the men who couldn't sleep with me
Would testify and swear it

But do their mothers know?
Do their mothers know?
I know it's not really her fault, but I
I do think that she'd cry if I called
I know it's really not her fault, but I
I do think that she'd cry if I called

And if I had the guts I would've
Punched you in the backroom
If I had the guts I would've
Punched you in the backroom

If I had the guts I would've
Punched you in the backroom
Left you bleeding on the kitchen tiles
While I cleaned up in the bathroom
You thought you were an actor
Claimed a hammered body double
Then you wrote yourself a letter
To my name for all your trouble

But does your mother know?
Does your mother know?

---

Ask First

Old, you've made me old
Wise beyond how wise I'd want a body
Cold, so young and cold
I lie to yawn, to cross and dot the note

I imitate, I trace your words
To better fake a better sorry
Sorry soul
But sorry, "Friends, they never scold"

We won't joke around
I won't visit when I'm in town
Listen, from here on
Here on out
I don't write about you now

Mend, you made amends
You made a man
You make up men
Who break a bone to fix a heart
Paint it nice and call it art

While beauty breaks beneath the blues
You sang for you, I sang for you
And now I'm gone
A full day's drive
And I'm seeing you when you're out of sight

We won't joke around
I won't visit when I'm in town
Listen, from here on
Here on out
I don't write about you now

We won't joke around
I won't visit when I'm in town
Listen, from here on
Here on out
I don't write about you now

---

Everything Ends

Everything ends
From TV shows to parties
Everything ends
Every song and every meal

Everything ends
And that's the saddest thing
I think I'll ever hear

But everything ends
Bad dreams and sorrow
Everything ends
The ache that life has lent

Everything ends
And that's the sweetest thing
I'll ever hear again
That everything ends

---

(You) On My Arm

I wish I'd had a chance to walk with you to parties
You would wear a dress, and I would say, "I'm sorry"
For something, don't know what it'd be
But you'd say, "Nothing, it's nothing"
And smile at me

I wanna sit around and watch you do your hair
Talk it all into the ground
Have a ceremony there
For something, don't know what it'd be
But it'd become nothing, it's nothing
And you'd smile at me

I wanna be
I wanna buy you
Pretty little things
And never ever lie to you
Watch you get dressed
And compliment your taste
I'd be better armed
If you agreed to take it

I wish I'd had a chance to take over the driving
You'd swear to keep me up
Then fall asleep beside me
And nothing, no terrible dream
Could ever wake us
I don't wanna wake up

And then, one good day
When we live in the same city
I'll come by and tell you
That you look insanely pretty
Like something, don't know what it'd be
But you'd say nothing, like something
And smile at me

I wanna be
I wanna buy you
Pretty little things
And never ever lie to you
Watch you get dressed
And compliment your taste
'Cause I'd be better armed
If you agreed to take it

I'd be better armed
If you agreed to take it
I'd be better armed
If you agreed

I wish I'd had a chance to walk with you to parties
Where you would wear a dress, and I would say, "I'm sorry"
For something

Oh, I wanna be
I wanna buy you
Pretty little things
And never ever lie to you
Watch you get dressed
And compliment your taste
'Cause I'd be better armed
If you agreed to take it

I wanna be
I wanna buy you
Pretty little things
And never ever lie to you
Watch you get dressed
And compliment your taste
Well, I'd be better armed
If you agreed to take it

Oh, I'd be better armed
If you agreed to take it
I'd be better armed
If you agreed

---

To Learn

What can I say?
I'm learning to lie
But I'm living to learn
What to lie about

I'm losing again
From holding too tight
But I'm living to lose
What I can do without

I've played a few games
Where no score could be fitting
But I'm learning when winning is
Just not worth the sport

And I've been so ashamed
That I've run like the wind
But I'm learning about giving up
And sparing the horse

When I've been cruel
I've taken up self hatred
Procrastinating pains
Of finally seeing myself

But when I looked on the truth
And it bloomed for all its patience
There was ugliness and shame
But there was
Something else

What can I say?
I'm learning to die
But I'm living to learn

---

Too Much Time In My House Alone

At the back of a slingshot
Hoping there's no rot in the wood
Hoping the books I read were good enough for their morals
At the back of a school bus
Knowing I'm late to get home
Not used to being on my own, trying to be normal

But I guess I'm going
Or I'm dying
And I'm finding out

At the end of a bad knot
Hoping there's slack in the rope
Hoping there's somewhere to go through the fog at my feet
Signing off on a letter
As it replaces the wine
Praying it's read just one time and not lost at sea

But I guess I'm going
Or I'm dying
And I'm finding out

I've been looking at myself and I've been waiting
For a reaction
Nothing from the reflection
It's just a kid in circular glasses
Running, running from lightning
Waiting for thunder under her dad's wing
I would, just to be back there, I would do
I would do something
I've been staring at myself
And I've been waiting for an infraction
Something to make me feel better about being better
Than I once had been
Running, running from lightning
Waiting inside for something to happen
Missing and never risking rain
For the sake of staying in fashion