Jingle Bells '98 Lyrics

Christmas time is here
Let's sing a little song
'98's the year Viagra made us hard and long

Christmas time is now
But not all spirits bright
The president sleeps on his couch alone again tonight

Jingle Bells '98
Olympics were a bore
Bin Laden bombed the embassy
Lewinsky is a whore

Jingle Bells '98
Santa's in his sled
Bob Hope is barely hangin' on and
Frank Sinatra's dead

Bruce Willis, Demi Moore
They had a little tiff
Liv Tyler's in a push up bra, her dad's in Aerosmith

When Seinfeld said goodbye
He didn't shed a tear
He didn't need a reason why
He's a freakin' millionaire

Jingle Bells '98
Goodbye to Ginger Spice
Titanic really made us cry
Kate Winslet's boobs were nice

Jingle Bells '98
Let's get up and dance
Monica kept all her clothes
But Bill took off his pants
(This afternoon in this room, on this chair, indeed I did Monica Lewinsky.
Not appropriate. Even Presidents have privates.)

Sonny Bono hit a tree
It made us cry and sob
Mark Maguire has just hit number 70!
Listen to that cheerin' mob!

George Michael's in the john
I guess he couldn't wait
He's playing with his jingle balls
He's on a solo date (Book 'im!)

Jingle Bells '98,
Making spirits bright
You can smoke some mistletoe
With Gilligan tonight
(Hey, he's the tale of a castaway. Yeah, man. Hey little buddy! Yeah. Go get Ginger and Mary Jane, man. We're gonna burn a fat skipper. Yeah!)

Jingle Bells '98
Jimmy Smits looks pale
John Glenn's in outer space
That O.J.'s still not in jail!
(I'm still lookin' for the real killer.)

Jerry Springer has a show
By trash they always fight
He'll make a video
Have sex with them tonight

Oprah's movie crashed
Titanic made the bucks
Armageddon was a smash
Godzilla movie sucks!

Jingle Bells in '98
Interns have big thighs
South Park is so fun to watch
But Kenny always dies. (You bastards!)

Jingle Bells in '98
Jordan hasn't scored
The NBA is out on strike and
Microsoft's in court

Jingle Bells in '98
The year just came and went
We leave you with a pleasant thought
Al Gore's not president

Ho Ho Ho Ho! That Lewinsky gal's a ho ho ho!
Can't wait to get to her house!

[Thanks to steveb2685 for correcting these lyrics]