Anointe - Drifting away Lyrics

I wish I can take my promise back
And I wish I should never said it to myself
Maybe I've been lying to myself
When I say soon I'll be very close to myself
I tested myself and I found out worse
Now I really feel so ashamed to myself

The recent joy that I used to have
Now feels like it all left
Built dimensions for all my emotions
But suddenly they all crashed
Good souls keep on dying daily
I'm a bad soul being a slave in this hell
I placed all my aspirations, dreams and goals
And keep em' in a open version
I never knew I would ever think
That I'm lying to myself
Now everything that I plan
Made me feel like I'll meet with many consequences
Losing battle against to fight my mind
Some days I feel like it's against my life
Lost the mirror that I used to stare
Where I saw myself
In exactly place that I want to be
And only thing I was wishing for
Was to live my life like my last chance
And wanted to see more in my life
Lord forgive me for all the dirty that I do
You know everything about me
I'm not a good child
I always stress my mom
It always hurts me
Cause it's always been true
And it's always true

Nobody cares about you
They only take care of what they can take from you

Lately I've been not okay
My mom be asking me what is wrong with you?
My response was saying that
"Good hearts were meant to be used"
She looked at me and she told me that
I should stop overthinking
Cause she's been confused

Nothing is meant for me
There's still so much I have to lose
Tears became so usual
My heart is being abused
No longer excited for what is coming
Cause it's soon I'll have to lose

Looking at my life
What do I do on these songs?

Fill a page with pain
Flip another
Do the same
Try something

Never works
Try again
Never works
Try again

Never works
Try again
Never works
Open a book

Write my pain
Become a slave
On that pain
Make it a song

Fill a page
Flip another
Do the same
Cry again

And cry again
And cry again
Yeah
Every time I try to make em' feel
Like the same way that they make me feel
My heart shows me the consequences
And make me feel
I try to make em' feel

Lost my mirror
Cause it's some of the things
That can understand
Anything I feel

Most of my moments I ask myself
Why do I keep going
While I have no hope
Most of my moments it's me

Against my fxck*ng self
So tell me how the hell
Will I ever grow
Every time I write myself on a book

Everything gets different
Depending on the state
That I was holding on
On the previous day

Some days I wish my mind was better
So I can speak better
And do something so way better
But instead I'm being the worst kid ever

My name is Anointe