(Sacha Baron Cohen, Johnny Depp, Timothy Spall)
I~~~~! Am Adolfo Pirelli,
The King of da Barbers, da barber of kings-!
Eh, buongiorno, good day!
I blow you a kiss~!
The so-famous Pirelli, I wish-a to know-a
Who has-a da nerve-a to SAY--!
--My elixir is “PISS!?”
WHO SAYS THIS.
I’m Mr. Sweeney Todd, of Fleet Street. I have opened a bottle of Pirelli’s Elixir, and I say to you, that is nothing but an arrant fraud — concocted from piss and ink.
Furthermore, signor – I have serviced no kings, yet I’ll wager that I can shave a cheek with ten times more dexterity, than any street mountebank.
You HEAR this foolish man. Now PLEASE, you will see, how he will-a REGRET-a HIS-a FOLLY!
Who’s for a free shave?
…Will Beadle Bamford be the judge?
GLAD as ALWAYS to oblige my FRIENDS and NEIGHBOURS…
--The fastest, SMOOTHEST shave, is the WINNER!
Now, signorini, signori, we mix-a da lather
But first you gather around --
Signorini, signori, you looking a man
Who have had-a da glory to shave-a da Pope!
“Mister Sweeney-Whoever”, I beg-a your pardon
You’ll probably say it was only a cardinal—NOPE!
It was-a da POPE!
To shave-a da face, to cut-a da hair
Require a grace, require da flair;
For if-a you slip, you nick da skin,
You clip-a da chin, you rip-a da lip, a bit
To shave-a da face, or even a part
Without da smart, require the HEART~~
Not just-a da FLASH; it take-a PANACHE
It take-a da passion for da art!
To shave-a da face, to trim-a da beard
To make-a da BRISTLE, clean like a WHISTLE
This is from early infancy, the talent give to ME~ by GOD…!
It take-a da skill! It take-a da BRAINS!
It take-a da WILL, to take-a da PAINS--!
It take-a da pace, it take-a da
The winner, is Todd!
[Thanks to marsjupiterlanding for correcting these lyrics]