Emmett Forrest, Aaron, Enid, Padamadan and Harvard Students - The Harvard Variations Lyrics

EMMETT
Hello, I'm Emmett Forrest. Welcome to the hallowed halls of Harvard Law. Let's go around and share a bit about yourselves.

AARON
Aaron Schultz

I won a Fullbright and a Rhodes
I write financial software codes
But that's a challenge I've outgrown
How many yachts can one man own
Some say that I'm a pompous creep
Somehow I don't lose that much sleep
Why bother with false modesty
Harvard's the perfect place for me

EMMETT and STUDENTS
Pretty impressive, good to know

EMMETT
Welcome to Harvard

PADAMADAN
Wassup?

ENID
Yo.

PADAMADAN
Sundeep Agrawal Padamadan. But you may call me Your Majesty.

In my country my word was law
But then I flee because of stupid coup d'etat
But here I learn, I make new friends
And soon return in bullet proof Mercedes Benz

EMMETT and STUDENTS
Pretty impressive, good to know

EMMETT
Welcome to H-

ENID
Enid Hoopes!

I did the Peace Corps overseas inoculating refugees
In family clinics that I built myself from mud and trees
I fought to clean to up their lagoons and save their rare endangered loons
Then led a protest march against insensitive cartoons

EMMETT and STUDENTS
Pretty impressive, g-

ENID
But now I'm on the legal track because this country's out of whack
And only womyn have the guts to go and take it back
We'll make the government come clean and get more people voting green
And really stick it to the phallocentric war machine

ELLE
I love your top! It is so fatigue chic. Anyone know where I can find Criminal Law 101 with Professor Callahan? ANd Warner
Huntington the third?

EMMETT
It's in Hauser. Over there, second building on the left.

ELLE
Thanks.

AARON
I won a Fullbright and a Rhodes
I write financial software codes
Why bother with false modesty
Harvard's the perfect place for me

PADAMAN
In my country my word was law
But then I flee

ENID
I did the Peace Corps overseas inoculating refugees
In family clinics that I built myself from mud and trees

WARNER/VIVIENNE/STUDENTS
Harvard's the perfect place for me

WARNER
Harvard's the perfect place for

ELLE
Warner!

STUDENTS
Ah ah ah ah ah ah

ELLE
Excuse me...

STUDENTS
Ah ah ah ah ah ah

ELLE
Pardon me...

STUDENTS
Ah ah ah ah ah ah

ELLE
Comin' through!

STUDENTS
Harvard's the perfect place for me
Pretty impressive, good to know
Welcome to Harvard.

WARNER
Elle?!?

ELLE
Hm? Omigod, Warner! I totally forgot you go here!