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Frogs Lyrics

Invocation and Instructions to the Audience Lyrics

1st ACTOR:
Gods of the theater, smile on us.

2nd ACTOR:
You who sit up there stern in judgment,
Smile on us.

1st ACTOR:
You who look down on actors...

BOTH:
[speaking]
And who doesn't?
[singing]
Bless this yearly festival and smile on us.

1st ACTOR:
We offer you song and dance.

2nd ACTOR:
We offer you rites and revels.

BOTH:
We offer you grace and beauty.
Smile on us for this while.

1st ACTOR:
Gods of the theater, smile on us.

2nd ACTOR:
You who sit out there stern in judgment,
Smile on us.

1st ACTOR: 2nd ACTOR:
We offer you song and dance.
We offer you rites and revels.
We offer you gods and heroes.
We offer you jokes and insults,
We offer you paeans and pageants, We offer you
Bacchanals and social comment. Bacchanals and social comment.

BOTH:
Bless our play and smile.

1st ACTOR:
[speaking]
Yes, but first, some do's and don'ts. Mostly don'ts.
[singing]
Please don't cough,
It tends to throw the actors off.
Have some respect for Aristophanes
And please,
Don't cough.

Don't say "What?"
To every line you think you haven't got.
And if you're in a snit
Because you've missed the plot
(Of which I must admit
There's not an awful lot),
Still, don't
Say --

2nd ACTOR:
What?

1st ACTOR:
If you see flaws, please,
Don't drop your jaws, please.
No loud guffaws, please,
When actors enter late.

2nd ACTOR:
When there's a pause, please,
Lots of applause, please.
And we'd appreciate
You turning off your cell phones while we wait...

[Music stops. A cell phone rings.]

1st ACTOR:
[speaking]
Unbelievable.

2nd ACTOR:
Unbelievable.

1st ACTOR:
I think it's you.

2nd ACTOR:
[Answering]
Hello? This really isn't a good time.
I said, this really isn't -- can you hear me now? Can you hear me now??

[Music resumes.]

1st ACTOR:
Don't go "Oh,"
Each time you see an actor that you know.
And if you have to use the lounge below,
Don't wait until we're halfway through the show,
Especially if you're sitting in the middle of a row.

2nd ACTOR:
No smokes, no chow --

1st ACTOR:
Unwrap the candy wrappers now.

When we are waxing humorous,
Please don't wane.
The jokes are obscure, but numerous --
We'll explain.

2nd ACTOR:
When we are waxing serious,
Try not to laugh.

1st ACTOR:
It starts when we get imperious,
And if you're in doubt, don't query us,
We'll signal you when we're serious --

BOTH:
It's in the second half.

2nd ACTOR:
Do not intrude, please,
When someone's nude, please.
She's there for mood, please,
And mustn't be embraced.

1st ACTOR:
If we are crude, please,
Don't come unglued, please.
Let's not be too strait-laced --
The author's reputation wasn't based
On taste.

So please, don't fart --
There's very little air and this is art.
And if you feel offended,
Don't lose heart.

2nd ACTOR:
That's what the man intended.
He was smart.

BOTH:
When everything's up-ended,
We can all depart.
And now...
But first --

[Sound of thunder -- the gods are getting impatient.]

CHORUS:
We start.

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