The Girl For You Lyrics

AARON
Should we continue playing Jewish Geography? 'Cause I can give you like ten more names...

CASEY
We can. I am good at this game. Even if I'm not a Jew.

JEWISH CHORUS
Oy vey! Oy vey!

AARON
I'm sorry, what did you just say?

CASEY
I said, I'm not a Jew...

JEWISH CHORUS
Oy vey! Oy vey!
This isn't the girl for you!
This isn't the girl for you!
Dai dai dai dai dai dai dai dai
Dai dai dai dai dai dai dai
This isn't the girl for you!

GRANDMA IDA
Aaron, bubalah!!

AARON
Grandma Ida, is that you?

GRANDMA IDA
That's right!

AARON
What are you doing here? You're... dead.

GRANDMA IDA
I was busy praying
At my temple in the sky
When I got an urgent message
That came straight from Adonai!
He said, "Ida, it's your grandson
He is acting out of line
'Cause he's dating Casey Clark
Instead of dating Sarah Stein!"

I begged, "Yahweh, send me to him!
I have wisdom to impart!
Plus my grandson Aaron loves me
And he'd never break my heart
I can make the pischer understand
The error of his ways
Even I once schtupped a schvartza
It was just a passing phase!"

JEWISH CHORUS
Eh, the schvatrza was just a phase!

GRANDMA IDA
So listen to me, boychik
You're a mensch who's been endowed
With brains and looks and talent --
I could plotz, I'm just so proud!
But though I cut you slack
When you did not return my calls
If you wed this little tsatkeleh
I'll break your matzah balls!

JEWISH CHORUS
This isn't the girl for you! - Oy oy oy!
This isn't the girl for you! - A goy goy goy!

GRANDMA IDA
She considers Jesus boss
And thinks you nailed Him to the cross!

GRANDMA IDA & JEWISH CHORUS
This isn't the girl for you!
Not for you, not for you - Hey!
Not for you - Hey!
She's not for you!

CASEY'S CHRISTIAN FATHER
Aaron?

AARON
Whoa. And who are you?

CASEY'S CHRISTIAN FATHER
I'm Casey's father. Her very disapproving, very Christian father. And Aaron...

You are ruining my daughter's life
Never thought my baby'd be
A Hebrew's wife
Why would people called
"The Chosen Ones"
Choose to wear strange hats
And circumcise their sons?

CHURCH CHOIR & GRANDMA IDA
Circumcise their sons!

CASEY'S CHRISTIAN FATHER
You don't know the Holy Trinity
Or the joy felt when you trim
A Christmas tree
And since you cannot sing "The First Noel"
Jesus Christ won't save you
From the gates of hell

CHURCH CHOIR & GRANDMA IDA
You'll go straight to hell!

EVERYONE
Hallelujah!

CASEY'S CHRISTIAN FATHER
Every angel sings
For the Easter bunny
And the eggs he brings

CHURCH CHOIR & GRANDMA IDA
Hallelujah!

CASEY'S CHRISTIAN FATHER
Christians pass the test
We are not Semitic
Therefore we are blessed

EVERYONE
This isn't the girl for you

CHURCH CHOIR
Ahhh!

EVERYONE
This isn't the girl for you!

CHURCH CHOIR
Ahhh!

CASEY'S CHRISTIAN FATHER
How can I stay cool and calm
When you don't praise the virgin mom?

EVERYONE
This isn't the girl for you!

AARON'S FUTURE SON
Yo, dad. What's up?

AARON
Uhh, I'm sorry -- "Dad"?

AARON'S FUTURE SON
What, you don't recognize me? I'm yours and Casey's future son. And I'm, like, beyond messed up. So - thanks for that...

You got me so confused
I don't know which way to choose
Do I celebrate Christmas or Chanukah?
Either way, I lose

'Cause I don't know what to believe in
With the mixed signals I'm receivin'
Now, I don't fit into a box
I'm strung out with doubt
And I can't detox

Should I live life for the moment?
Or should I kneel and repent?
Do I believe the Messiah's comin'
Or came and went?

I'm stuck and it's f*ckin' depressin'
From all this perpetual guessin'
Don't mean to be preachy
But like Nietzsche and Nihilist
I'm thinkin' that God don't exist

Do I cry at Schindler's List
Or weep at The Passion of the Christ?!

EVERYONE ELSE
Both!

AARON'S FUTURE SON
Should I shop retail
When there is no sale
Or kvetch that it's all overpriced?!
I'm gonna haunt you like a poltergeist!
My whole identity you've sacrificed!

EVERYONE
Why didn't you use a condom?!

GRANDMA IDA
Aaron!!
(in counterpoint)
I was busy praying
At my temple in the sky
When I got an urgent message
That came straight from Adonai!
He said, "Ida, it's your grandson
He is acting out of line
'Cause he's dating Casey Clark
Instead of dating Sarah Stein!"

CASEY'S CHRISTIAN FATHER
(in counterpoint)
You are ruining
My daughter's life
Never thought my baby'd
Be a Hebrew's wife
Why would people
Called "The Chosen Ones"
Choose to wear strange hats
And circumcise their sons?

AARON'S FUTURE SON
(in counterpart)
You got me so confused
I don't know which way to choose
Do I celebrate Christmas or Chanukah?
Either way, I lose
'Cause I don't know what to believe in
With the mixed signals I'm receivin'
Now, I don't fit into a box
I'm strung out with doubt!

EVERYONE
This isn't the girl for you!

AARON'S FUTURE SON
Not not for you!

EVERYONE
This isn't the girl for you!

AARON'S FUTURE SON
So true! So true!
Six thousand years of history
Are restin' on your head!

GRANDMA IDA
If you married her, you'd kill me
Were I not already dead!

CASEY'S CHRISTIAN FATHER
I won't have my grandkids raised on
Bagels, lox and cream cheese spread...

GRANDMA IDA & CASEY'S CHRISTIAN FATHER
Now let's review

AARON'S FUTURE SON
She's not a Jew!

EVERYONE
This isn't the girl for you!

GRANDMA IDA
A shayna maydl
But she doesn't spin the dreidel!

EVERYONE
This isn't the girl for you!
Hey!