That Was Nearly Us Lyrics

HONORIA
Did you see that couple there?

BERTIE
Can't say I did...

HONORIA
Standing by the tree?

BERTIE
Really? Was it raining?

HONORIA
That was nearly us back there

BERTIE
Don't quite follow...

HONORIA
Nearly you and me

BERTIE
Oh yes, I see. Brrmmm!

HONORIA
Bertie, you've been badly neglected
You need a wife who'll correct it
The secret with men, of course, is
To treat them a bit like horses...
Did you see those lovers there?

BERTIE
No, I think they were pheasants, actually...

HONORIA
Even you could see

BERTIE
Oh, lovers! I thought you said plovers, sorry.

HONORIA
Oh, so nearly us back there

BERTIE
Was it? Nearly ran over them, then...

HONORIA
Nearly you and me

BERTIE
Appear to be running out of cardboard...

HONORIA
Could it be we took some wrong turning?
Is this a lesson worth learning?
Can't you see that couple there
Could well have been you and me?

BERTIE
Hump back bridge!

HONORIA
That was nearly us back there
Wouldn't you concur?

BERTIE
Hairpin bend, hang on...

HONORIA
He was so like you back there
I could have been her

BERTIE
No, I think they were both very much shorter.

HONORIA
Here you are, so vital, attractive-
Would that your brain was as active
You're nobody's intellectual
You hot-blooded het'rosexual...

BERTIE
Oh, now, simmer down...

HONORIA
Was it merely lucky chance
Brought us here today?
Victims both of circumstance
Meeting you this way

BERTIE
Brrrrmmmm! Brrrrrmmmm!!

HONORIA
It's as though our lives had been frozen
Back on the paths we'd both chosen
Giving us a fleeting glimpse
Of all that was meant to be
That was surely us back there
It's as clear as day
If we'd both kept faith back there
Hadn't lost our way

BERTIE
Nearly there ... Here's the village

HONORIA
What if we defied dull convention?
Stood up to shout our intention?

BERTIE
Steady!

HONORIA
If we'd followed our heart's volition
and shed our last inhibition?

BERTIE
Here we are! At last!

HONORIA
That's out future life back there

BERTIE
Cheerio then!

HONORIA
Bertie, can't you see?

BERTIE
You'd better hop in there smartish...

HONORIA
That was meant for us back there

BERTIE
You don't want to get gangrene...

HONORIA
All we're meant to be
Time we took the plain facts and faced them
Turned in our tracks and retraced them
Back to when that couple there
So clearly were you and me...