Bad Stuff Happens in the Bathroom (Bob's Buskers) Lyrics by The National, Låpsley, & Bob's Burgers

Uh-oh! We got customers! Gene, put an "Out of Order" sign on the door!
G: On it!
L: Good
G: Wait. What should it say?
T: "Out of order. Dad stuck on the toilet."
B: No
G: What about "Out of order. Toilet cursed with evil"?
B: Kids, just stop drawing attention to the door. Go help your mother
Gr: Hi, Linda! I'm ready to make Bob pretty. I brought my scissors and my tweezers
L: Oh. Oh, hi, Gretchen! Gretchen's here, Bob! She's gonna get ya camera ready! Kids, go wait on the other customers
B: Everything's gonna be okay. Everything's gonna be okay

[Verse 1: Bob]
Bad stuff happens in the bathroom
I'm just glad that it happens in a vacuum
Can't let thеm see me with my pants down
Coasters magazine is gonna bе my big chance now
But I'll be outta here in no time
I'll be doing interviews and feelin' just fine
Today is gonna be a great day
I'll do Coasters magazine and blow everyone away

[Verse 2: Louise]
Let's be clear
I did absolutely nothing wrong, I'm not to blame, it's not my fault
This is just to say
If Gene had pooped like every day, this would have all just blown away
[Chorus]
But he'll be out of there in no time
No one's gonna blame me, I'll be doing just fine
Today is gonna be a great day
If Teddy can't unstick my dad, I'll find another way

[Spoken: Jimmy Pesto & Gretchen]
Hey, where's Bob? I wanna tell him I can smell him from across the street
Yeah, Linda, where is Bob? I've gotta do his hair for a big interview
Interview? What interview?
Bob's got a big magazine interview
What, are they writing an article about guys with mustaches you wanna punch? ZOOM! Haha! I say, "Zoom" now. You like it
Eh, it's okay

[Verse 3: Bob & Louise]
Bad stuff happens in the bathroom
Let's be clear
I'm just glad that it happens in a vacuum
I did absolutely nothing wrong, I'm not to blame, it's not my fault
Can't let them see me with my pants down
This is just to say;
If Gene had pooped like every day, this would have all just blown away
Coasters magazine is gonna be my big chance now
But...
But...
[Chorus]
I'll be outta here in no time
He'll be out of there in no time
I'll be doing interviews and feelin' just fine
No one's gonna blame me, I'll be doing just fine
Today is gonna be a great day
Today is gonna be a great day
I'll do Coasters magazine and blow everyone away
If Teddy can't unstick my dad, I'll find another way

[Thanks to rose123.gacha for adding these lyrics]